I am a mom of 3 beautiful kids. Marley, 13, has autism and left hemiparesis Cerebral Palsy. Skylar, 10, has recovered from sensory processing disorder and my baby boy, Xander, is 5 years old, neurotypical with severe, life-threatening food allergies.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
The cool night air of
the last day of summer.The moonlight
shining down onto the large open space in small town USA.A small stage and a crowd of people, all ages
that have come to see their hometown singer who has made a living of singing
her songs to adoring fans….
My husband and I were
lucky enough to get a sitter and head to an outdoor concert and watch Tift
Merritt sing.We have been fans since
before my first daughter was born.At
the concert, she made a comment that “Bramble Rose”; one of my favorite CDs is
now ten years old.This struck a cord
with me, as my oldest child with autism will celebrate her tenth birthday next
In those early years,
I listened to Tift’s music as I battled my daughter’s autism and found
inspiration in her words.I think back
on those days and realize that I had no idea what I was doing, and just
learning as I went and hanging on for dear life.Staying up late researching, discovering
horrifying truths…my heart was ripped wide open and I felt the only way to heal
it was to heal her.I was toughened by
truths that are hard to swallow and I found a determination in myself that was
I spent my days
wrestling a child to the ground and keeping her in bear hugs so that she
wouldn’t and couldn’t hurt herself or anyone else.I spent my nights planning my next steps and
reading pub med journals. I learned how to read amino acid tests.I learned the signs of yeast overgrowth.I learned how to communicate with a
non-verbal child.And I learned the
signs of vaccine damage.
From Tift Merritt’s
song, Bramble Rose…..
“Do you think I'll be
happy out on the wind?
Do you think I'll get
halfway before it's rainin' again?
Will I find that I'm
true when it's hardest to be?
Or will the notions I
follow have all turned on me?
So my love has, grown as sharp as, a
Like a real good woman nobody knows
Once my love has, blown as far as, a
Just a real good woman nobody knows”
So last night, I wept as I heard I
heard Tift Merritt sing.Just the sound
of her sweet voice brought back the gut wrenching pain of Marley’s early
childhood.I remembered myself, about 7
months pregnant with Skylar and on the ground with Marley, trying to settle her
from yet another wild meltdown…trying to talk calmly to a child who could not
talk back to me.Daily…for hours…several
times a day…this would happen.
So, like the smell of the hand soap
from Duke hospital brings tears to my eyes every time…..those memories are
etched into my being.They have made me
who I am today.Passionate about healing
environmentally damaged children.Determined
to tell every pregnant mom not to get vaccines.Begging young mothers not to feed their babies GMO formula or feed their
young kids GMO foods.Spending my free
time meeting with moms and dads of newly diagnosed kids to tell them there is
hope….and how to get to the land of happy, healthy children.
Because my daughter will be 10 next month.The same age as Tift Merritt’s Bramble
Rose album.And in those ten years, she has
gone from a child with severe autism where the doctor told me not to have any
more kids and not to get my hopes up, to a child that now has friends and is
fully mainstreamed for third grade.It
has been a hell of a battle, and I was certainly toughened significantly by the
experience.I have lost friends.And gained new ones.New friends that understand that my “bramble”
comes from a place of pain that I never want anyone else to experience. I can't bear to hear someone else's baby has slipped away. And that my journey won't end until she is fully healed.